Stepping onto to the pavement outside the Chicago Midway airport, I felt like I was stepping on the moon. I was somewhere different. Somewhere I have never been before, but in fact I had lived there my entire life. Although I might sound a little melodramatic, this was the exact feeling I experienced this weekend visiting home for the first time. It was like I did not belong there anymore or that I was on some vacation in my own home. Seeing my friends wasn’t bad it was like we picked off right after where we left off. However, I found that when I referred to college I referred to it as home. When I first heard this coming out of my mouth for the first time, I was stunned. I pretty much announced to myself that I had a new place to live. I didn’t like it. I longed for some kind of connection but everything seemed different. My house went under reconstruction and same with my school. Neighbors moved out and my two year old sister was chatting away non-stop. It was like I had been away for years opposed to a few months. It was crazy and I felt like my existence was just a breeze in the wind. Just there for a short while, acknowledged, and then let go. I was wondering if I was the only who felt this way going home? Or I’m just crazy?
2 comments:
I had this same experience when I went home for the first time. I drove back home since I live in KC but as I was driving down the familiar streets, I felt like I was somewhere I had never been before. All the old familiar sights seemed foreign to me. I also found myself refering to SMU as "home" even though I never thought I would ever really feel like it was. Even though KC will always be my real home, it is nice to know that I consider SMU to be my second home.
No, you are not going crazy! I too had this feeling when I went home for the first time. What I believe you are saying is that although you did not litterally "step on the moon" you felt like you were out of place and had missed out on a life that continued to go on once you had left. I live in San Diego and the first time I went home I knew exactly where to go when I got off the plane and I could have driven home with my eyes closed. But when I arrived in my room it was weird to be living out of my suitcase rather than putting my clothes away like they belonged. Even just going to visit my High School was weird. I had made that drive every day for six years but something about it wasn't right. Even walking around campus I didn't know half the students.
I think the biggest thing is life in our home towns has continued to go on while we are expanding ours here at SMU. It is "home" for us now. This is where are friends are, this is where our things are, and this is where our everyday lives are. Yes it's school and where are parents live will always be home. But when you get to this stage in your life you now have two homes. It's normal.
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